A Rocky Road of Heartbreak
On the platform at Union Station Metro in DC, I saw a familiar face. It was a face of sharp angles and corners; dark, sunken eyes registered no hint of recognition when I walked past.
The last time I saw him was two years ago. He was sitting on the floor between two cushy chairs in a Baltimore Starbucks. He didn't have a beverage, he was there for shelter and power. I used my free refill to give him cover while his phone charged.
"I am waiting for a text from this girl," he started. He sipped his tall dark roast. I waited for the story.
When I saw him two years ago his face was angles and corners; his eyes were dark and sunken. He was decaying; consumed by an active addiction. Last night when I saw him, he was unchanged. He had somehow maintained the same state of decay. He had somehow managed not to fall off completely.
Or maybe he did fall off and when I saw him last night he was on his way back up. Maybe he is getting better.
"I am going to DC to meet up with her," he said as he sat on that floor two years ago.
I didn't believe him.
When I saw him last night I wondered, "Did he meet her?"
What rocky road of heartbreak did he travel to reach this place?
What rocky road of heartbreak had him standing before me gaunt and depleted?
If he met her, was the love she gave more than he bargained for? Did it drag him so deep that he had to claw his way back from the brink of death?
Or did she heal him? Did she make him whole? Maybe he was happy and healthy with her, then somehow he lost her and last night was a snapshot of his descent.
He didn't recognize me because I have changed so much. The kindness has left my eyes. My warmth is spent and people no longer seek shelter in my company.
I don't smile much anymore and I feel a little less joy. I arrived at this place of a little less joy through a series extreme highs and lows, and I don't know which way I am trending at the moment.
He loved and lost her; he is falling and he knows it. And because I have resolved to never again have a love to lose, I too, am falling.
I just don't know it.